I've Never
by The Narrator
Summary: Warning: selfinsertion, messing with characters' minds, underage drinking The Narrator's got a new SDK fic in the works, only she needs the cooperation of certain individuals. Her strategy: a simple drinking game and a whole lotta blackmail


**_Disclaimer:_** The Narrator does not own _Samurai Deeper Kyo._ To add insult to injury, she also does not own the rights to Jack Daniels, Smirnoff, Everclear, Rioja, and any of the other fine liquors used in this fic.

**_"I've Never..."_**

"Where in Kami-sama's name did I put that thing?!" Narrator huffed to herself, digging through a cabinet.

Kanashimi stuck her head into her sister's Authorspace. "Hey, onee-sama, can I borrow..." She trailed off as her eyes widened in amazement and her mouth gaped. "Holy crap! I know you turned 21 and all," she said after a moment, "but don't you think that this is a bit much?"

"Well, it's not _all_ for me, of course!" exclaimed Narrator irritably, jerking her head out of the wet bar to glare at her little sister, "It's for my guests."

Kanashimi stepped into the Authorspace and promptly barked her shin on a crate of Jack Daniels. "Itai! Who the hell did you invite, anyway?" she demanded, her eyes flicking over the various boxes, crates, and kegs of every liquor imaginable that crowded her onee-sama's sizable creative venue. "The Las Vegas chapter of the Hash House Harriers?"

"Nope." Narrator shook her head. "I thought I'd get my new SDK fic, _Intermezzo,_ off to a good start and decided to invite the cast of Samurai Deeper Kyo for a pre-fic mixer." She frowned. "But I can't seem to find the martini shaker anywhere."

Kanashimi rolled her eyes. "You're going to get all of them drunk, have each one do something catastrophically embarrassing, and then blackmail them into submitting to every sick little plot twist you have in mind, aren't you?"

"Am I that obvious?" Narrator inquired, slightly worried.

Sighing and shaking her head, Kanashimi crossed over to Narrator's media shelf and picked up the missing martini shaker. "No, not really. It's just that, being your little sister for as long as I have, I have special insight into the inner workings of your mental processes, which you laughingly term your logic," she answered, handing the metal canister to the authoress.

"Yokatta," Narrator breathed as she took it, "If Kyo or Migeira ever had an inkling of what I had planned, I could just kiss my plot goodbye."

"Why don't you just abandon your silly "ethical" semi-omnipotence limitation and just _make_ them do what you want?" Kanashimi wanted to know.

Narrator shook her head. "No can do. Besides," she said, winking as she held up the martini shaker, "this'll be pretty fun, too, don't you think?"

"True," Kanashimi admitted. Her expression suddenly became thoughtful. "Hey, can I...?"

"_No!_" Narrator cut her off immediately, "No way I'm letting you get drunk."  
"I wasn't going to ask that," Kanashimi said hotly, "I was just going to ask if I could watch."

"Oh, sure," Narrator agreed quickly, slightly chagrinned, "As a matter of fact, I was going to ask you to be my enforcer, should anyone choose to run amok. I don't think Yukimura or his ninja will be a problem, but I can see Kyo, Akira, Hotaru, and Migeira starting something."

"I'll do that only if you let me have playtime with Kyo," Kanashimi said immediately.

"Er...okay," agreed Narrator. _'Hopefully I can just get Yuya drunk before Kanashimi decides to call in **that** favor!'_

"Goody!" Kanashimi burbled, clapping her hands, "Beam them up or whatever it is that Bob does! I want to have some fun!"

"Right-oh! Bob!" Narrator turned to her laptop, whose desk was somewhat overcrowded by bottles of wine coolers and Smirnoff, "Initiate inter-dimensional transport sequence from PAU-Sierra Delta Kilo. Arrival coordinates zero-zero-alpha!"

**_ZORT!_**

"Argh, again with the special effects!" Kanashimi yelped, clapping a hand over her nose and mouth to prevent herself from breathing in the cloud of green, sugar-scented smoke and silver glitter.

"Augh!" HACK, HACK! choke! _cough!_ wheeze!

"What the fuck...?!" Kyo's deep baritone demanded as the impenetrable smoke began clearing.

"Yipe! Hey, who just pinched me!?" That was Yuya.

"Yuya-han?" Benitora asked, sounding slightly out of sorts.

"Hidetada-sama!" Mahiro called out, an edge of worry in her tone.

"Yukimura-sama!"

"Yukimura, what the fuck...?!"  
"Oiya, oiya, you shouldn't use that language, Sasuke," Yukimura chided, "It's all right, Saizo, calm down. I'm right here."

"Oh my, what's going on?" Sakuya asked softly.

"Oi, Bob, release ARAS gas, now!" Narrator barked before her victims, er, guests... couldrecover too much.

The gas diffused the Authorspace just as the last of the smoke dissipated, orienting the anime characters to true 3-D space.

"Who are you?!" Migeira demanded immediately, catching sight of Narrator. His mask had filtered out most of the smoke, so he was slightly steadier on his feet than the others. His right arm moved beneath his all-concealing mantle, but he stopped short as he suddenly remembered that the Muramasa cannon was no longer attached.

"Identify yourself and I will not kill you," Akira said in a low, polite voice, turning his blind eyes in Narrator's direction.

Kyo unsheathed Tenryo. "Don't bother with that," he growled, "Narrator, tell us where we are and your death will be quick!"

"Hm, you know her, Kyo?" Hotaru asked in bored voice from his seat on a case of Kaluha.

"Kyo, don't...!" Yuya said anxiously, running to place a restraining hand on his sword arm, "You know what will happen if you do!"

"Listen to her, Kyo-han!" Benitora agreed fervently, not taking his eyes off of the authoress.

"She's going to tell just where the fuck we are and then I'll kill her!" Kyo declared, ignoring both of them.

"Yare, yare, I _said_ I was sorry I shrunk you," Narrator said impatiently, "Are you still holding that grudge? I would have thought my last several fics would have more than made up for that."

Kyo hesitated, a strange look on his face. Yuya blushed mightily and pulled away from Kyo. Everyone else exchanged confused glances.

"PLAYTIME!!" a voice sounded from above their heads. A shadow streaked down toward Kyo, who snapped to attention, bringing his katana to bear...

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"You want to _what?!"_ Migeira demanded in disbelief.

"Play a drinking game," Narrator said, slightly peeved at having to repeat herself.

Migeira blinked and stared at the authoress.

She shrugged. "I was bored."

"You mean to tell us you dragged us all here to play some asinine game just because you were **_BORED_**?!" Sasuke demanded, nearly visible waves of angry ki rolling off of him.

"Wow, for someone so small you sure got a pair of lungs on you," Kanashimi observed from her comfy armchair, where she had settled to enjoy the pre-game show.

Sasuke glared death at her. Kanashimi smiled cutely and blew him a kiss.

"Ah-ta-ta-ta," Yukimura said softly, laying a restraining hand on the young onimitsu's shoulder, "That is one young lady I don't think you should try to tangle with."

"You're good, but not that good," Hotaru spoke up unexpectedly, a small inclination of his head toward Kyo illustrating his point.

Sasuke grit his teeth. If this Kanashimi girl could subdue Onime no Kyo in less than ten seconds using what appeared to be silver ribbon, perhaps Yukimura and Hotaru were correct. "Hn," he grunted, standing down.

"Besides, if you think a simple drinking game is not worth your time," Narrator said, her voice becoming dangerously cheerful, "we can always play one of my more _interesting_ games." Her eyes narrowed to slits as she smiled. "Just ask Benitora and Yuya."

"Hidetada-sama?" Mahiro asked worriedly, noticing that her lord had turned chalk-white, his eyes wide in terror.

"NO! Not that!" Yuya exclaimed in a panicky voice as she stared at Narrator. Her hands, which had been occupied with peeling away the layers of the duct-tape cocoon Kanashimi had encased Kyo in, trembled uncontrollably. "I'd rather...I'd rather...have Akira lock me in that ice prison thing of his again!"

Kyo's eyes narrowed at this and an angry growl emanated from behind his duct-tape gag. Akira had the grace to look marginally embarrassed.

All of those who had never had the privilege of being in one of Narrator's fics exchanged glances.

"Let's play!" Yukimura broke the silence and got to his feet, smiling at Narrator.

"Yukimura-sama!" Saizo protested.

"Yukimura, are you friggin' nuts?!" blurted Sasuke in tandem.

Yukimura looked at his subordinates. "Have a little faith, ne?" he said, "It might be fun."

Sasuke and Saizo still looked dubious, but bit their tongues against any further argument.

"Not as though there is much choice," Akira muttered. Migeira and Hotaru (predictably) refrained from comment.

"Now you're getting the idea!" Narrator chimed. "Yosha!" Suddenly, she became the personification of the perfect hostess, ushering her guests to comfortable chairs and indicating the refreshments. "Now, the name of the game is "I've Never..." One person starts by saying, "I've never..." and then proceeds to tell the group something they've never done. Anyone who _has_ done that thing takes a shot of liquor. Oh, and there's a penalty if you try lying, too."

"Penalty?" Sakuya echoed breathily, "What sort of penalty?"  
"Sore wa himitsu desu!" Narrator informed her. She ducked, just in time to avoid being walloped by a ruby orbed-topped staff swinging down on her head through a rip in the Astral Plane.

"I don't know why you keep doing that, since it only pisses Xelloss off, onee-sama," Kanashimi noted.

"That's the whole point!" Narrator replied, rolling her eyes as though it should have been the most obvious thing in the world.

"You say this sort of thing is _normal_ for these people, Hidetada-sama?" Mahiro asked.

"Unfortunately, yes," Benitora answered.

"Okay, everyone, pick your poison and let's play!" Narrator declared.

After an inordinately long time, in which Yukimura insisted on sampling every type of liquor Narrator had to offer and Kanashimi had been roped into being bartender, the game finally started.

"Hmmm..." Narrator, holding a bottle of '97 Sangre del Torro Rioja in her hand, thought for several moments. "Oh! I've never hit on a member of the same sex!"

"Twit," Kanashimi muttered, chugging her cranberry juice and fizzy water. Yukimura blithely took a gulp of his martini, Hotaru downed a shot of Jack Daniels, and Saizo took a hurried sip of his bourbon.

Benitora scratched his head. "Does it count if you were drunk?"

"Bob?" Narrator looked at her laptop.

YES.

"Ho'kay, Bob says yes."

Benitora grimaced and swigged his Black Russian. He noticed Yuya staring at him and Mahiro glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. "What! I was drunk, okay?!"

"Besides, I think I make a rather attractive woman," Yukimura added.

"True," agreed Yuya, sweat-dropping.

It was Sasuke's turn next. He grinned evilly. "I've never hit on a member of the opposite sex!"

There was an awkward pause as everyone stared at him. "I'm too young to flirt with girls, you morons!" he exclaimed hotly.

"He does have a point," Migeira reflected, pulling down his mask to drink his Long Island ice tea. Yuya took a cautious sip of her raspberry Smirnoff, found it surprisingly delicious, and took a long pull. Mahiro downed some of her Bailey's, while Yukimura, Narrator, and Kanashimi took their respective shots.

"Ano, Narrator-san..." Sakuya leaned over and whispered hurriedly in Narrator's ear.

Narrator raised an eyebrow and waved Kanashimi over. Kanashimi listened to the miko and bit her lip. "I think that's going to have to count for you," she said finally, "Given who and what you are, you're not going to get much action in this game otherwise."

Sakuya nodded solemnly and drank some of her Screwdriver.

Kyo raised an eyebrow at the miko...and promptly turned into chibi-Kyo in a poof of green smoke.

_"WHAT THE FUCK?!"_ he demanded loudly. He glared at Narrator. "Is this your sick idea of a penalty?!"

"Tee-hee, yup!" She wagged a finger at chibi-Kyo, who was turning purple with rage. "That's what you get for trying to lie, you sneak!"

"I wasn't lying!" chibi-Kyo howled, sounding exactly like a five-year-old version of himself.

"Bob thinks otherwise," Kanashimi told him.

CORRECT. AS YOU AND MIBU KYOSHIRO WERE ONE PERSON AT SEVERAL TIMES, THE PARAMETERS OF JUDGEMENT IN YOUR CASE EXTEND TO ANY INSTANCE OF HIS ACTION

Chibi-Kyo's jaw dropped. "How long am I going to have to stay like this?!" he demanded.

ONE FULL TURN, OR UNTIL YOU IMBIBE THE ENTIRE CONTENTS OF YOUR CHOSEN ALCHOHOL CONTAINER

"Kyo, I wouldn't try drinking all of that at once, it looks sort of dangerous," Yuya warned, eyeing the full bottle of vodka that stood beside chibi-Kyo.

"Shut up," chibi-Kyo snarled at her. He tipped the bottle to his lips and proceeded to drain the entire bottle.

"GANBATTE, KYO! GANBATTE, KYO! GANBATTE, KYO!" Narrator, Kanashimi, Benitora, and Yukimura cheered.

"Fuckers," chibi-Kyo slurred, upending the bottle to show that it was empty.

POOF!

"Nuts, I wanted him to stay chibi a little bit longer," Yuya muttered, snapping her fingers.

Mahiro was next. "Ano...I've never...I've never..." Her face suddenly brightened. "I've never used one of my attacks for any reason other than to kill/maim someone!"

"That's mean, Mahiro-han!" Benitora protested, but taking his shot nevertheless. Narrator, Kanashimi, Yuya, Hotaru, Saizo, Migeira, Sasuke, and (amazingly) Akira followed suit.

"What? Akira?" Narrator stared at the blind swordsman in amazement as he set his Kamikaze on the table beside him.

Akira grimaced. "Please do not ask," he said sullenly. Kanashimi grinned and wrote something down on a pad of paper.

"Okay, my turn!" Benitora said eagerly. He thought for a moment, then smiled slyly. "I've never worn women's clothing of my own free will!"

"Meaning at one time, you were _forced_ to wear women's clothes, Hidetada-san?" Yukimura asked smoothly, draining his martini. Kanashimi finished her cranberry-fizzy water and got up to make him another one. Narrator, Yuya, Mahiro, Sakuya, and Saizo took their shots.

"I don't want to know," Sasuke told Saizo.

"Shut up," the older ninja muttered.

"Ah, so now it's me?" Yukimura tapped his chin and stared at the ceiling. "Hm...ah! No, wait, there was that one time..."

"Sometime today, if you please," Migeira said testily.

Yukimura closed his eyes and thought hard. "Got it! I've never seduced a miko!"

There was another long, awkward pause.

The ninja general smiled blithely. "Well, Okuni-san said..."

"Ack, no! We don't want to know!" everyone yelled.

"Ano, Narrator-han?" Benitora asked during the ruckus that ensued after Migeira and Kyo had poofed to chibi, "Where is Okuni-han, anyway? Don't you want her in your fic?"

"No," Narrator said simply, but the look she gave him would have made Hannibal Lector proud.

"Don't hurt me!" Benitora eeped.

"...DAMN ASSHOLE PERVERT, I DUN'T KNOW WHY I GOTTA...WHY I GOTTA GET _POOFED!_" Kyo (once again back to normal, having downed a bottle of Everclear) was ranting indignantly.

"Wow, I think Kyo's really drunk," Kanashimi said, watching him in fascination, "I didn't think it would happen _that_ quickly!"

"Neither did I, but I did count on Kyoshiro's pervert tendencies to do the work for me," Narrator said, under her breath because Sasuke was looking at her suspiciously. "I think you're going to need to get Migeira another Long Island ice tea, though."

"NO, I'm _not_ going to go into details!" Migeira (also back to normal) huffed, huddling down in his mantle and glaring at Yukimura.

"Aw, come one, you know you want to!" Yukimura pleaded.

"Ano, Kyo? Could you not..." Yuya blushed and tried shoving the inebriated samurai off her lap.

"But I wanna sit here!" Kyo growled, glaring menacingly. At least, it would have been menacing if he had not face-planted immediately afterwards on Yuya's chest. "Hm, comfy..."

_Click!_ Kanashimi quickly whisked her camera out of sight and turned to Saizo. "I think you're up next."

"Um, okay." The onimitsu rubbed his chin and stared at the ceiling. "I've never...ano..."

"I'll bet you've never done a lot of things," Sasuke muttered, "Stodgy old fogey!"

Saizo glared. "All right, just for that...I've never eaten Yukimura-sama's mochi and then blamed it on Sakuya-sama!"

Sasuke's amber eyes went wide. "You..._bastard!_" he growled, "I'm gonna..."

"Ah, I'd drink up before you get 'poofed' yourself," Yukimura intervened. Sasuke growled but took his shot of tequila.

"Migeira, your turn," Narrator said.

"I've never tried to peek at women while they were in the baths," Migeira said, rather quickly.

"Oh, good for you!" Kanashimi chirruped. Yukimura, Benitora, and Kyo (who had regained semi-coherency after Yuya had finally managed to shove him off her lap) took their shots.

"Humph!" Yuya said, folding her arms and glaring significantly at Benitora.

"What? Kyo-han took a shot, too!" Benitora protested.

"That's only because Kyoshiro did it so many times, everyone knows that!" Yuya retorted.

"Huh? Oh yeah, that bastard _did_ do that, didn't he?" Kyo slurred, "Guess I need to take 'nuther shot for him, too..."

"_Kyo!_" Yuya gasped, eyes wide, "When did you...?!"

"Oh, like I'm gonna tell about that time near Edo...and outside Aokigahara...and..."

"_HENTAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIII!!_" Yuya shrieked, pulling a halisen from Hammerspace and giving him a solid thwack on the top of the head.

Kyo hit the floor face-first with an undignified splut! and Yuya's eyes went wide, her mouth frozen in a shocked "O." "Did I just...Did Kyo...?"

"Yup and yup!" Narrator answered her cheerfully, breaking the stunned silence, "Practically all laws of anime hold true in my Authorspace and Law #42, subsection iv clearly states: 'Any young woman, no matter how unskilled in martial arts, can summon a chi weapon from Hammerspace and deck any male, no matter his comparative martial skills, in a matter where he has committed a Flagrant Act of Hentai-ness or Stupidity.'"

"That's not fair!" Benitora whined.

"Only because you'd be the idiot all the women would be smacking, right?" Sasuke observed boredly.

"Why you little...!"

"Bring it, you spoiled Tokugawa bon-bon!"

Both bishonen were on their feet, weapons out.

"Do I need to waste another jug of sake just to cool the two of you off?" Yukimura quipped.

Benitora and Sasuke paused, looked at each other, then at Yukimura. "No..." they muttered, sitting down and putting their weapons away.

"Oh, good." Yukimura smiled. "Ah, I believe it is Hotaru-san's turn."

"I've never stood out in the middle of a thunderstorm, held my katana up and yelled at the lighting, 'Come and get me, you stupid son-of-a-bitch!'" Hotaru said in perfect monotone.

"Damn you, Hotaru!" Akira growled, taking a hit.

"Um...I'm sure there's an interesting story connected to that..." Yuya said after a beat of silence. She noticed Benitora and Migeira furtively trying to take their own shots. "Okay, I _really_ don't want to know!"

"I believe it is my turn, Narrator-san," Sakuya said pleasantly to the authoress, who was also trying to take her drink on the sly.

"Sure, go ahead," Kanashimi said for her onee-sama.

"Well, I have never a relationship of an intimate nature with anyone," Sakuya admitted.

Sasuke, who'd been taking a drink on the assumption that he'd done everything a miko like Sakuya could possibly think up, spat his tequila out all over Saizo. "Hyaugh!"

"Are you all right, Sasuke-kun?" Sakuya asked him anxiously.

"No! _Cough choke_! What the hell are you doing, _cough, cough!_ saying something like that!?" Sasuke howled indignantly before subsiding into a paroxysm of choking sputters. Yukimura helpfully clapped him on the back while Saizo mourned over his ruined dry-clean-only shirt and slacks.

"But it is true and it was the first thing I could think of," Sakuya said.

Everyone who had been taking their own proscribed hits at this time simultaneously began coughing and choking on their respective beverages.

"Erm...nice one, Sakuya," Narrator told the miko frankly, "But next time, be a bit less blunt; Kyo's having a hard enough time as it is."

"...NEVER TALKIN' ABOUT THIS KINDA STUFF BEFORE, YUKIMURA IT'S ALL YOUR INFLUENCE...#$##!!"

"Oh dear," sighed Sakuya, as Yuya was forced to wallop Kyo into submission before he could get his hands around Yukimura's neck.

"Who's next, though I dread to ask," Akira commented.

"Err, let's see..." Narrator glanced around the room, which had erupted in a nice bit of chaos. Yukimura, having narrowly escaped death only to discover a DDR unit in one corner, had spontaneously organized a tournament. On the panels was an incredibly inebriated Benitora, who displayed dancing ability woefully short of his enthusiasm. His challenger, Hotaru, was doing pretty well...in comparison. Yuya and Mahiro were singing along to the song, "Moonlight Shadow," loudly enough to shake Kyo out of his drunken stupor to join in. Sasuke had been challenged to a drinking contest by Saizo (perhaps Saizo believed he wasn't get drunk fast enough) and both shinobi were well on their way toward Definitively Smashed. Migeira and Sakuya had engaged in civilized, polite conversation over Long Island Ice Teas on the couch. And Kanashimi was studiously taking pictures, writing notes, and getting various "voluntary" confessions down on tape-recorder. "Actually, it's you, Akira."

"Oh, of course," Akira replied unenthusiastically, "but I think your purposes have been more than well served by now, Narrator-san."

"Eh?" Narrator queried nervously, "W-What are you talking about? Ahahahahaha!"

"Hn. Only a fool would not know just what is going through the mind of a fanfiction authoress, especially if it involves liquor." Akira laid a hand on the hilt of one of his katana. "However, there is one last thing you can do for me."

"And that is?" Narrator was preparing to run.

Akira leaned over and whispered something in her ear. Narrator started, looked over at Hotaru, who was now dancing against Kyo, and nodded. "I can do that," she agreed, smiling evilly, "Of course, you do realize you're more the type who'd end up on the b..."

"If you please, Narrator," Akira said, leveling the blade of his katana at her throat.

"Er...right! Can do!" she eeped.

"Thank you."

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"Well, that was fun," Narrator said, surveying the aftermath of her little pre-fic mixer.

"Yeah, but you do know you're going to be cleaning Silly String out of the carpet for a month, right?" Kanashimi pointed out.

Narrator's smile wavered somewhat. "True; I don't know what Migeira was thinking, starting that fight. How'd he find that stuff?"

"Guess he's just super sharp," Kanashimi said innocently.

"Hn..." Narrator looked at her imouto suspiciously but did not press the matter. "So, what'd you get?"

"Oh, lot's of stuff!" replied Kanashimi, grinning like the Cheshire Cat who's eaten the mouse in the teapot, "I've got pictures of Saizo making a fool of himself on the DDR machine, a recording of Yuya saying all the reasons why she thinks Kyo is hot...and another one about Benitora...and Kyoshiro...and Yukimura...and Akira..."

"Well that's to be expected; they're bishonen after all..."

"...and Hotaru, and some guy named Shinrei; I don't think you invited him."

Narrator cringed. "Er, yes. Same reason I let Kyoshiro off the hook - I didn't want to have to clean blood out of the carpets, too."

"Easier than Silly String, I'd think. Anyway," Kanashimi continued, "I got Sakuya to sing a duet with Migeira-san..."

"Oh gods, you didn't," Narrator interrupted, horrified.

"Yup," Kanashimi nodded, "Aqua's '_Barbie Girl_.' Sakuya can really dance creatively, you know. I'm glad I got it on tape."

"Thanks, I needed that scarring mental image," Narrator muttered disgustedly.

"Really? Here's another one, then." Kanashimi shoved a Polaroid in Narrator's face.

Narrator's eyes bugged and she snatched up the photo. "_Is that...IS THAT MY PROM DRESS FROM SENIOR YEAR?!"_

"Uh-huh," Kanashimi said, grinning hugely, "For some reason, Yukimura seemed dead-set on fluffy lavender crinoline instead of a sleek green satin, so I decided to humor him. Like how I did his hair?"

"Er, yes, that's very nice, Kanashimi," Narrator said, making a mental note to donate her dress to Goodwill ASAPly.

"And here's one of Sasuke, only he wasn't so cooperative," Kanashimi said, putting another photo into her onee-sama's hands, "He kept insisting that I do a pretty braid and he wouldn't listen to me when I told him pigtails would be so much cuter."

"So...you gave him dreadlocks instead?"

"Yeah...I had to look for that can of beeswax I had left over from the time I played with the Gundam Wing boys."

"And you dressed him up in your old school uniform?" Narrator concluded.

Kanashimi nodded, holding up another picture. "I think he looks better in that maroon blazer than the navy one."

"Hm, I think you're right," Narrator agreed, comparing the photos, "I almost shudder to ask what you got on Benitora and Mahiro."

"Not a whole lot, surprisingly." Kanashimi sounded disappointed. "They disappeared into a closet right after Benitora was eliminated from the DDR tournament and..."

"Okay, right, don't need to think about that!" Narrator blurted loudly. She frowned. "Well, you video-taped the tournament, right? I suppose that'll have to be sufficiently embarrassing. How about Hotaru?"

"I let him play with one of my lighters, and he spilled his guts. He went on and on about his one true love and how he was in some much pain because he just couldn't express himself to others and how he just wanted to be hugged. He started crying like a little girl until I lent him one of my teddy bears and had him lie down."

"...ew. Please never share that tape with me," Narrator said.

"I plan on burning it after you finish with _Intermezzo_, don't worry," Kanashimi told her in the same disgusted tone of voice, "Though truth be told, it wasn't nearly as bad as Kyo's."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I ask him one question about Yuya and he goes completely marshmallow on me. Started composing a sonnet on the spot about how 'soft lies her golden head upon my chest...' etc., etc., etc."

"Wow." Narrator was suitably impressed. "Iambic pentameter and everything?"

"Yup – iambic pentameter and everything. I thought I was going to hurl." Kanashimi made a face. "Oh, I wasn't able to get anything on Akira though. Sorry onee-sama."

"That's okay; he and I worked out an agreement."

"Oh?"

Narrator nodded and leaned over, whispering something in Kanashimi's ear.

A light of understanding illuminated Kanashimi's face. "_That_ would explain the tape! But, onee-sama, isn't Akira the type who'd normally be on the b..."

"Yeah, but I promised. I really didn't want to argue with him and the katana he was waving in front of my face."

"Good idea. So, when can we expect _Intermezzo_ to be posted?"

"..."

"Onee-sama?"  
"..."

Narrator here. Yes, this was a shameless plug for my fic, _Intermezzo_, but I was compelled to write it, as _Intermezzo_ will tend to be written on the dark, angsty end of the fanfiction spectrum. shudder! I dislike writing angst, but some of my friends tell me I'm decent at it. I hope you enjoyed this inane bit of levity and look forward to your review on _Intermezzo!_

Salute!


End file.
